There is no getting over you... / Sandee Holod (Sister)
My Dearest Brother,
The past month has been so hard... almost impossible not to re-live in my mind the things that happened last year. Today is especially hard because one year ago today was the last time I was able to look upon your face.
You looked like you. You looked like you were sleeping, and I'm thankful that is the image I have in my mind
It was so hard from me to walk away from you when it was time to head over to the church for your funeral mass because I knew I wouldn't be able to look at you, kiss you, or touch you again. I'm having a really hard time today.
St. Peter's was filled that Friday morning as your family, friends and co-workers gathered to pay tribute to you. A year later some still let us know how very much you are missed and share our sadness. Others don't know what to say, so they say nothing at all. And a few have no tolerance for our grief, expecting us to "get over it", "get back to normal" and "move on".
The thing is, there is no getting over you. You've been such a tremendous impact on my life in so may ways, I will never "get over you". I love you Bri - and there is no getting over you. In fact I don't want to - I always want you, or whatever part of you I can have, in my life.
Back to normal doesn't exist without you. In time, we may learn a new normal, but life as we knew it died with you. Our lives are forever changed.
As far as moving on, I just don't get that. Like it or not, we wake up every day and breathe in and out, and do the things we have to do. We may do them with a heavy heart, but we do them. Maybe a day will come when we can do things with smiles instead of tears, but that day is not today.
Just because we aren't handling things the way others expect us to doesn't mean we aren't doing our best. We are forever changed by having you, someone so precious to us, taken away. I realize not everyone shares our loss. You will always be Mom & Dad's 'son the doctor'. You will always be the brother that makes me feel safe.
I miss your safe hugs and your generous strength. I miss your contageous laugh and subtle wit. I miss your charming smile and gentle eyes. I miss you. I miss time with you.
I love you so much Bri. I think of you and pray for you everyday. I miss you and love you more than words can say. You are always on my mind, and forever in my heart...
A NEW YEAR'S WISH--MAY ANGELS GUARD YOU / Joyce Holod (Mother of a Special Angel )Read >>
A NEW YEAR'S WISH--MAY ANGELS GUARD YOU / Joyce Holod (Mother of a Special Angel )
January 1, 2007
I found this beautiful message (written by Elsie Brady) in an inspirational book a few months ago and would like to extend it to you. Thank you for your love, prayers and support during this very difficult first year since Brian's passing.
May God be close wherever you are, And be your guide like the Christmas star. May happiness be yours today, And all year long..for this I pray.
May angels guard you both day and night, May your waking hours be warm and bright. May all good fortune, peace and love, Be yours with blessings from God above.
...For God commands the angels to guard you in all your ways. Psalm 91:11 Close
NEW YEAR'S TRIBUTE TO MY SHINING STAR / Mom Read >>
NEW YEAR'S TRIBUTE TO MY SHINING STAR / Mom
December 31, 2006
My Dearest Brian,
You are “My Shining Star” Now that you have gone afar. , Within hours it will be one year since the angels led you to flight. Please know that every day we honor you with a candle’s burning light.
I am gracious when being wished a “Happy New Year”, But they are really the last words I want to hear.
January 1st is the day you went away; So how can it be a happy or special day!
At mass on New Year’s Eve we will remember you and pray, And on New Year’s Day we will go to your Garden with flowers to lay.
It is said that “Life is Fleeting”. How sad that your heart of gold stopped beating.
The new year’s first evening brought the most awful knock at our door With the news you were gone and had fallen to the floor.
You left us without a warning or good-bye; And I can’t seem to stop wanting to know why.
I suppose the reason doesn’t really matter; Our lives are still in a state of shatter.
Nothing will ever be the same, Not even watching a football game.
To so many people you were a very special friend; And they, too, were so sad that your life had come to an end.
I think of your funeral and all the visitors waiting in line; Each gave their love & respect to you, special son of mine.
There were cards, gifts and so many flowers; They could have been placed to make towers.
The church was overflowing with family and friends at your funeral mass; It was such a touching tribute to you; I hope you saw it from Heaven’s looking glass.
Indeed, a special limb has fallen from our family tree; How can any holiday be filled with glee?
I miss you so much; it’s so hard being apart; I keep you always in my thoughts and heart.
I am grateful for our shared years; But I continue to shed so many tears.
Perhaps you are able to listen as I pray; There are so many things I’d like to say.
I thank God every day for the time with you, my precious son; I think of you and your kindness and compassion and the way you loved to have fun.
I miss you and your bright, beautiful smile; I’m so proud of you and your career so worthwhile.
I wish I could hug you and whisper in your ear To let you know that I love you and will always hold you dear.
I wish I could have the chance to once again feel your gentle touch; I would again let you know that I love you so very much.
To some you may be forgotten; to others just a part of the past; But to those of us who love you, your memory will always last.
Let’s hope that as this last day of the year comes to pass. Your friends will remember you with a special toast from their glass!
Hope you will see all the candles being lit for you and that you receive our love. Hope you are at peace and happy now that you are in Heaven abovel
THINKING OF YOU - 12/31/06 / Becky Tiller
Sent: Sun, 31 Dec 2006 4:19 PM Subject: Thinking of you . . .
Dear Sandee and Family:
I just want you to know that your family has been in my thoughts all day today.
I am sure today and the coming days ahead will be difficult for you, especially since this time of year is supposed to be joyous. Just know that you will get through them, somehow.
Rely on each other and allow yourself to cry.
Think of the wonderful and happy moments that Brian brought to all of you. Think of the many joy filled New Years you celebrated with Brian.
Brian would be proud of your strength and courage this past year. I find both in you very admirable. Through your efforts you have ensured that Brian will be remembered by all who knew him. He touched so many lives, even people who only knew him briefly have wonderful things to say about him. You also helped many to heal, including yourself, through your actions of memorial events and ways to carry on his legacy.
Hang in there and know that many, many people will be thinking of Brian and your family.
Message of Hope / Danita Mills, Circle Of Hope Friend Read >>
Message of Hope / Danita Mills, Circle Of Hope Friend
You and Sandee have been on my mind. I know the next few days are going to be rough for you, but you will get through them. Brian would want you to move on and rejoice in the life he had and celebrate all the wonderful things he did in his short time here on earth. It's just hard when we the family members are left behind to do the missing. My prayer to you and your family that you will find peace in the coming year and know that you have friends that care. Close
THINKING OF DR. HOLOD / Debbie Orlosky, Friend From WestShore (Primary Care )Read >>
THINKING OF DR. HOLOD / Debbie Orlosky, Friend From WestShore (Primary Care )
I hope Brian's family is doing ok. I know this is a difficult time. This has to be the worst "first " of them all. My heart, thoughts and prayers have been with all of you. I continue to think of Dr.Holod everyday too. I miss him. Please know that although these next couple of days will be hard, you will continue to get stronger and you always know Brian is right there cheering you on.
I've reminded people to toast to Dr.Holod on Jan.1-I know I will!!! He would've liked that!! I'll pray for your family, especiallyduring the next week. Take care and call me anytime.
Remember, as long as we keep talking about Dr.Holod, his spirit and memory will live on.
Love to all at this difficult time / Cathy Del Regno (co-worker sjws dialysis )Read >>
Love to all at this difficult time / Cathy Del Regno (co-worker sjws dialysis )
Dear Holod Family, I have lost loved ones, and I know this Xmas season is so painful for you. I want you to know that Brian is thought of often, and spoke of dearly many times. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Love CathyDel Regno Close
FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN / Mom (Dec., 2006) Read >>
FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN / Mom (Dec., 2006)
MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
I see countless Christmas trees around the world below, With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow. The night so spectacular, please wipe away that tear, For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here. I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring, For it’s beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart, But I am not so far away. We really aren’t apart. So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear. And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above. I send you each a memory of my undying love. After all, “Love” is the gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do, For I can’t count the blessings or love he has for each of you. So, have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away the tear, Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
Brian, I have so many boxes of holiday decorations..for Valentine's Day, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It didn't matter this year whether or not any of it was displayed. We really havn't done much to decorate the house; there are a few floral pieces and stuffed animals around. Jordyn has been very concerned that Santa would not bring her gifts since she had no tree at home or here, so we definitely needed to decorate a tree.
Usually the first of two Christmas trees is put up Thanksgiving weekend, but Dad didn't take it out of the garage until last weekend. A few days later I attempted to put the lights on the tree, and the bottom lights went out. The project ceased until we got some replacement lights. The tree was properly lit yesterday, and I added the bead garland.
When I found the box that should store my "gold" decorations for the family room tree, I discovered it contained only tissue paper and the boxes for the ornaments. Apparently I left the decorations out so long after the 2005 holiday that Dad put them away..somewhere. I then found another box containing some ornaments, so Jordyn and I took it upstairs. It contained the "gold" angel ornaments I bought last year which Jordyn put on the tree in the living room. It reminded me of our last time together..on Christmas evening..when you were leaving the house. We talked about the fact that I really didn't decorate the tree and that my mood was down, perhaps since it was the first Christmas without Gram. You told me it was OK and that the tree looked nice. Now, it is the same angels that are on the family room tree this year, and they remind me of you, sweet angel.
How strange it was tonight to also have just one of the ornaments that was yours from a few years ago..a snowman..and to find in the same box a ceramic snowman you gave me in 1988. I know you bought it when you worked at Fisher Big Wheel. Those items brought back some precious memories, and I've cried quite a bit tonight.
Heather called to let us know that she wanted to visit on Christmas Eve. I'm really grateful that she keeps in touch. I know your friends are thinking of you and us, too. We got cards from Joe & Julie, Bob & Laura, and Kelly.
Thinking of you up in Heaven. Bet you have lots of things you must do with the other angels. Take care..God Be With You. I love and miss you, Brian. Love, Mom
ONE SWEET DAY / Mom
One Sweet Day (Mariah Carey Song)
Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away.
Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day.
Darling, I never showed you Assumed you'd always be there I took your presence for granted But I always cared And I miss the love we shared And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day.
Although the sun will never shine the same I'll always look to a brighter day Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep You will always listen as I pray.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day.
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven Like so many friends we've lost along the way And I know eventually we'll be together One sweet day.
Still doesn't seem real... / Sandee Holod (Sister)
Bri -
Still doesn't seem real - I just cannot believe that you're not here.
As we did each year on our birthdays, we'd say happy birthday and say I love you, and suggest getting together to celebrate over dinner. Our schedules would be busy, and before we knew it time had passed and we were making the same dinner suggestion a year later. I never imagined that we wouldn't get the opportunity.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you, but it's been especially hard as your birthday approaches. Part of me is comforted to know that I'll never see you grow old or sick - that I'll always know you as healthy, young, and strong. (Although I admit I would have liked the chance to give you a little grief over getting your first gray hair whenever it may have arrived...)
Since I won't see you on your birthday this year, I want you to know how very sorry I am that we never got together for dinner as we said we would. I love you and I miss you very much. Happy Birthday Bri.
BIRTHDAY WISHES TO BRIAN / Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRIAN….
Precious Brian, you are “Our Shining Star”! We will never forget how special you are! If you were still alive, You would now be thirty-five!
There will be no cake For me to bake. Because you are no longer here, There will be no celebration or beer!
It will be a very different kind of day As we remember you in a special way. I know we will shed many tears As we reflect on you through the years.
On this day, October twenty-seven, We will send a balloon to you up in Heaven. At morning mass, we all will pray And at your garden, some flowers we will lay.
We will remember you, always so caring and kind, We will pray for you and your peace of mind. Please know that each day we send you our love, And we miss you so much since you went to Heaven above.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRIAN! I LOVE YOU!
From Mom (Joyce Holod - Written for Brian on 10/24/06) Close
IN MEMORY OF BRIAN'S 35TH BIRTHDAY (10/27/06) / Mom Read >>
IN MEMORY OF BRIAN'S 35TH BIRTHDAY (10/27/06) / Mom
IN MEMORY OF BRIAN’S 35TH BIRTHDAY Please keep Brian in your thoughts and prayers as we near his birthday. Thank you!
I see the countless birthday candles around the world below; Their tiny lights are like heaven's stars, Leaving a warm and bright glow.
This sight is so spectacular. Please wipe away each tear, For I am spending my birthday with someone special this year.
I know how much I miss you Now that we are apart. Please know that I am not so far away, Since you always keep me in your heart.
Be happy for me, my loved ones. You know I hold you dear. Be glad I'm spending my birthday with Jesus this year.
I sent you a special gift, from my heavenly home above; I sent you each a memory filled with my special love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other as my Father said to do, For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.
So, please remember me today and be grateful for our shared years. I am happy in my home up above, so please wipe away your tears.
friend/ Sarah Rhymestine
I had the opportunity to meet Brian through Ross and Susan. He was a kind and caring person. I was in Sue and Ross's wedding with Brian and 6 months pregnant at the time. I felt so uncomfortable and self conscious with the weight I had gained. I will never forget what Brian said to me. After a nice hug, he told me that I looked so beautiful. He was so sincere and genuine. I remember leaving the wedding and feeling so good. Although my husband had told me how great I looked a million of times, it was different coming from another person, especially Brian. Even though we never saw eachother after the wedding, I thought of him and what he said to me. What he was was telling me what was true. Yes, even though I had gained so much weight, I did look beautiful. That carried me through my pregnancy. I think of Brian often, and the kind words that he said to me. I pray for the Holod family and wish them peace and comfort during this difficult time. Close
BLESSING OF "BRIAN'S GARDEN" AT SJWS ON OCT. 7, 2006 / Mom Read >>
BLESSING OF "BRIAN'S GARDEN" AT SJWS ON OCT. 7, 2006 / Mom
October 12, 2006 It seems someone is looking over our family when we schedule events in Brian's memory. Saturday, October 7, was another beautiful day. It was a lovely autumn day with temperatures in the high 60's and a gentle breeze, and it was perfect for those participating in the "Brian Holod Memorial Poker Run" and the Blessing of "Brian's Garden at St. John West Shore Hospital. The Blessing was done by Fr. Elmer Marquard at approx. 2:30 p.m.
I read the following poem for Brian:
To Brian, It's hard to accept your life has come to an end; To so many, you were a very special friend. You proved yourself as a wonderful son; You loved laughing and having fun.
We shared many good times and special days, And we will never forget your incredible ways. You were such a nice guy, always so caring and kind. Your face and precious smile always come to mind.
You put us at ease with your calm ways & bright smile. You worked quite hard to make your life worthwhile. Your studies and work were not in vain As you helped many who were ill or in pain.
We will never forget the news that tragic night That took you forever out of sight. When your life on earth was through, God must have given His hand and welcomed you.
Even though you now dwell in Heaven above, We think of you always and send you our love. Even though we are in places afar, You will always be "Our Shining Star".
Now, we hope and pray That one bright and glorious day, We will once again meet And it will be so very sweet!
I love and miss you so very much, Brian. May you be at peace and in God's care. Love Always, Mom - Written 10/6/06
Dr. Gregory Bloxdorf presented a special plaque to our family in Brian's honor. The plaque will be hung in the Conference Room of the Graduate Medical Education Department at St. John West Shore Hospital which was named in Brian's memory. The engraving follows:
Brian D.Holod, D.O.
Memorial Conference Room
1971 - 2006
An Exceptionally Compassionate & Knowledgeable Physician
The family of Brian Holod extends sincere thanks to the following:
St. John West Shore Hospital (Recognition to Doug Bolen, Patrick Garmone, Eileen Hayes Fr. Elmer Marquard & Sr. Judy Weirick) Graduate Medical Education Department (Donation of the Tree) Larry DeVito (Sketch of Brian's Garden) Monteleone Landscaping (Frank, Vito & team for their beautiful landscape work) Lewis Monuments Jordyn Holod (Message & Song for Uncle Brian)
Thank you to all who participated in the Blessing of Brian's Garden and to everyone who honored Brian with a Memory Brick.
Thanks to the Graduate Medical Education Dept. for the lovely tribute in remembering Brian by naming the Conference Room for him.
We appreciate your continued kindness and support. The memorial for Brian is beautiful, and it will hopefully provide a relaxing area on the hospital campus for SJWS employees and visitors.
If you are at St. John West Shore Hospital in Westlake, please take some time to visit "Brian's Garden" which is located near the pond and Medical Arts Building.
My Condolences / Christopher Hall (classmate89)
My condolences to the Holod family. I found out about Brians death a few months ago. I was very shock and saddened. I never kept in contact with Brian after are graduation in 1989. He was in my home room and we were friends in High School. He was a very kind and funny person, also very smart. that's why i sat by him!! He will be missed.
Message About Our Pets from Jordyn / Jordyn (Brian's Niece) (9/10/06)Read >>
Message About Our Pets from Jordyn / Jordyn (Brian's Niece) (9/10/06)
I love you Uncle Brian. I miss you so much. Flowers bloom all the time, and we cry down here for you all the time. I really miss you. I wish you could be here. When you are in Heaven we can look at all the photos.
Lily is up there; take care of her. Tell her I love her and I miss her. Tell Honey that I love and miss her, too. Tell Sonny that I love him and miss him. Give him a big hug for me from your guardian angel power. Daisy is being good but she got sprayed by a skunk. And Lulu, she is being kind of weird, but I really like her. She is a good dog and she is doing very well except she slobbers.
Take good care, up there, Bri. Bri, you are my guardian angel. I love you. Bye. From Jordyn Close
"AN ANGEL SPEAKS" - REMEMBER ME / Mom-Thinking Of You, My Angel Son - (Sept. 10, 2006 )Read >>
"AN ANGEL SPEAKS" - REMEMBER ME / Mom-Thinking Of You, My Angel Son - (Sept. 10, 2006 )
I have read so many beautiful poems and verses on the Memory-of sites during this year. Some are so special that you want to read them again. Perhaps this one will be special to you, too. I copied it from the site of Daniel Branning a few months ago, but I made a few minor changes in it today.
AN ANGEL SPEAKS/ ~~SOMEONE~~
I’m sorry that I had to leave you. A distant voice called me away. There was so much left for us to share, so much we never got to say.
But all my pain is far behind me, confusion finally laid to rest. I hope my life here had a reason. What you do now will be the test.
I died too early, but I always knew I would. I lived life the way I wanted, and in others I always looked for something good.
As I look down upon you now, my hopes for you are still so strong. Better to have loved and lost, but remember, we haven’t lost for long.
Don’t cry for me, beloved friends. I've risen beyond this world of fear. Hold my friendship in your memory, and always know that I am near.
I know the grief you feel saddens you. Dry your eyes, even though I am gone. Carry on and remember me, For through your lives, my spirit will live on. Close
I found this beautiful verse on a memory-of.com site and wanted to share the message with you:
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free! I'm following the path God laid for me. I took His hand when I heard him call, I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day, To laugh, to love, to work or play. Tasks left undone must stay that way, I found peace at close of day.
If my parting has left a void, Then fill it with remembered joy! A love shared, a laugh, a kiss; Ah, yes! These things I, too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow, I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow. My life's been full, and I've savoured much: Good friends, good times, and a loved one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief, Don't lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your heart and share with me, God wanted me now, and he set me free.
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